Now fully vaccinated and ready to start my new life. I decided it was time to start socializing a little bit. I had a taste of what a gay club looked like and I also had a very chaotic first experience with recreational party favors. I was fully acclimated and ready to take over Denver. Or so I thought.
I went out with my friend Paloma to catch up and basically talk shit about people we know. We finished our night at a gay sports bar (I didn't know that was a thing). We met a couple of guys who asked if they could sit down with us. Eventually one of them, Tanner, took over the conversation, but I was more interested in his friend, Nick. He was so tall and handsome as hell, he had long curly hair, which if you know me, you know that's my weakness. We had a very nice conversation before he suggested to keep the night going at his place. Paloma and Tanner were not up for it, so it would be just us. I knew what his intentions were and I was more than ok to go with it. We still had to drop his friend on the way. The drive was long, but I really liked it. Late night drives have always been my favorite, but this one was even more exciting. As we left the city lights behind I could see the shadows of mountains covered in trees. Slightly backlit.
So this is how I die
That was the very violent thought I had when I realized I was in a car with two strangers going into the woods. Nick read my mind and automatically told me to not be scared, his friend Tanner was staying with his relatives in a house in the middle of the woods. It was indeed a nice house in the middle of the woods. After dropping Tanner off, we started heading toward Nick's friend's place. Turns out, he was house sitting this big house that was in front of a lake. We had a couple drinks and I went in for the kill. Good kisser, but too bad that's the only good thing he could do with that mouth. After finishing he went silent and cold. That was my first taste of how ugly hook up culture is here. Of course, I tried to get out of there as fast as possible but my ride home was insanely expensive, so I had to wait. As minutes went by my Prince Uncharming offered me a ride, if I gave him a "round two". How sweet of him.
Of course, I did it. And after we were on our way to Aurora to drop me off. We got to see the sunrise, but it wasn't as nice as the many times I had before. It was actually sad. I felt this overwhelming sense of emptiness caused by this excuse of a man I depended on to get home. After that night I never heard from him again. No call, no text, no good first impression of the Colorado dating scene. Unfortunately, I like giving second chances, not to Nick, fuck him. I gave the dating scene a second, third, and hundredth chance.
But through all that I still had one thing in mind: I'm returning to the man I went on a fantastic date with a week before coming to Colorado. Little did I know I would not see him for years, but we'd miss each other. I guess there is sadness both ways when one becomes "the one that got away"
I had several attempts to date in this romance-starved city but, clearly, none of them really worked for the first couple of years. It's not worth talking about the guy I went to an arcade and spent 20 bucks just to beat House of the Dead, the guy who took me to a fancy jazz bar just to be on his phone for most of it, the guy who took me to brunch so he could fuck me before noon and then get rid of me like nothing, the guy I took to a party with my friends and ditched after getting another girl's number, or the guy who made me sneak out on New Years just to tell me he was married after we had sex in his car.
On the other hand, I was also very very starved for social interactions, so I downloaded a dating app that allowed me to have a "just friends" option. I met some of the most wonderful people I'm still very good friends with, despite the distance and the complicated feelings. But I never expected one of those matches would turn into a marriage proposal.
I said yes.
No, I'm not actually engaged.
It's a long story, for another time.
As I'm writing this post I came to a conclusion about why dating has failed for me. Younger men have no experience, they're mostly driven by impulse while testing the waters, which usually leads to love bombing, ghosting, cheating, overreacting, and all those fun red flags we all know. But at the same time, older men don't stay behind. They've been around the block so they tend to be more experienced and easier to communicate with. Still, sometimes there's something unhealed from past relationships or even worse, mommy issues because they're from a generation that didn't believe in therapy. Now, I know it sounds like I'm pointing fingers, believe me, I have my own red flags and character flaws too, like everyone, but at least I'm very self-aware. Big thank you to my therapist and the man who sent me there after a very traumatizing breakup.
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