Have you ever heard "What goes up must come down"? I don't think I've ever felt a fall more violent than when I struggled with money at the same time I was struggling with my mental health. As much as I'm embarrassed of the life I was living back then, I can say if it hadn't been for the struggles, I wouldn't be where I am right now. Grateful and wise beyond my years (words used by my therapist) There were a lot of things I needed back then, but a job was the first thing I needed.
I dropped out of school l around this time too. It was a big mistake, but I just wasn't in a good head space. I couldn't just have all this free time to do nothing so I went out and started looking for a job. After the very traumatizing experience of a call center group interview, I finally landed a job that seemed fitting for me, to start with. I worked at a thrift store and I absolutely loved it. I still have some of the pieces I bought there, mostly jackets.
After a while, I got an offer to work at another store, a makeup store. That's how my journey with makeup really started because until then I was just playing with my mom's makeup to go out. At first, I was just in charge of sales, I knew the product but I lacked technique, but I was determined to learn. And that's when I started my obsession with YouTube makeup channels. Now, I won't say who I was watching because it'd be problematic. Let's just say I was getting all the practice at work and I was feeling good about myself again. I found something that made me happy and helped me express myself. But that feeling didn't last long.
Let's rewind a little bit here. I had a best friend whom I was in love with for the longest time, and he had been in love with me at one point too. I, unfortunately, was very emotionally immature (how ironic) because of the bad place I was mentally, so we sort of grew apart, he got a boyfriend and moved away. But the feelings never really went away on my end. I always believed he was my soulmate, so when he told me he was coming back to visit, I said to myself "It's my time to come clean". The universe has a very cruel sense of humor. I never got to see this person again and never got my chance to tell him how I felt. To tell this story, I'd need more than a paragraph, and to actually be done grieving him. I don't think I'll ever be done.
Honestly, I don't remember much of what happened the rest of that year. I moved on to a better job that I loved even more. One that actually offered benefits and was also pushing me to get over all the bad stuff that had happened before by asking us to just be very friendly and bubbly. I had disposable income for whatever I needed. I had a small but great group of friends who were very supportive. I was having a great time. I was still living with my mom at the time but she took a job that had her leave for three months where I had my first taste of what living by myself would be like. That summer was wild. Between a huge crush on one of my straight friends who I got weird mixed signals from and accidentally sleeping with one of my friend's exes (TBD). Then me and one of my closest friends liked the same guy and made out with him on Valentine's Day (How "Les amours imaginaires" of us).
My mother was back in the blink of an eye, I had missed her a lot, but I also loved the taste of living alone so I started considering moving with a friend. And then COVID happened. Now, if we're going to talk about Miss Rona, we're going to do it in another entry because we all know that was A LOT. But a little over a year into it I started feeling stuck. Stuck at my job, stuck in Peru, stuck in my life. So I did what any impulsive person going through a quarter-life crisis does, I quit my job and went to Colorado. It was supposed to be just for a quick vacation that started with my cousin's vow renewal. I packed my little suitcase with just the necessary things for a three-month vacation, not knowing I would end up moving. And let me tell you, starting over in your late 20s is one hell of a way to humble yourself.
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